


quiet moments

by absoluteTomfoolery



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, and what i needed to hear about their marriage, angsty but then fluffy, here's my take, i cannot stop writing about yuuri's internal struggles, ok but yurio was just mentioned, there's probably a thousand versions of this same internal conflict but, yuuri overthinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8959618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absoluteTomfoolery/pseuds/absoluteTomfoolery
Summary: Sometimes, when the day has slowed down and the house is quiet, Yuuri Katsuki sits down to think.





	

**Author's Note:**

> third work, ever, for yuri on ice and The Archive™. please bear with me, not very experienced in fanfiction. 
> 
> follow me on twitter? @queen_viicky

Sometimes, when the day has slowed down and the house is quiet, Yuuri Katsuki sits down to think.

These days, it’s very rare when he gets to slow down and actually look around. It’s been training day in and day out for the Worlds. Now he was competing against Viktor, his lover, boyfriend, fiancé, and his friend, Yuri. Yakov was ruthless as a coach, and when the days got too rough, he remembered the days where Viktor was in his stead.

He was a relentless flirt and unfortunately open with Yuuri, which he didn’t appreciate nor understand back then, but now, every embrace was encouraged. It had taken him some time to properly open himself up to the man, a stranger that had been the source of many teenaged fantasies, and when he did, it quickly grew to be the best decision he had ever made. The universe had given him Viktor, a gift for all of the chances he lost, and he was grateful to every star and every moon that came together and aligned to present him with that man.

When he thinks back to that time of uncertainty, of subtle pushing and pulling between the two, testing the waters and trying to see who would give in first, he realizes it had been the easy part.

Yuuri looks down at his ring, the gold band glinting and glittering underneath the light of the living room lamp. He sat on their couch, Makkachin curled on his lap, his other hand on his soft, caramel brown fur. Viktor was in the kitchen, making dinner for them if the smell was anything to go by. Outside, snow was falling, and the sky was dark from the clouds and the sun that had set.

He removed his ring from his finger and looked at the inscription he had engraved. _Stay close to me_ , it said, and each time he read those words his heart would flutter beautifully, like it did when he laid his eyes on Viktor for the first time. Still, within his heart there was something that he thought he had left behind when he first placed himself in Viktor’s care: uncertainty, and its longtime companion, fear.

It had been a while since he felt unsure of where he stood with Viktor. He knew the man loved him, that much was obvious, but he could not help but feel uneasy when he thought about their future together. They had yet to discuss any future plans for their relationship except for their marriage, which was set to happen when Yuuri won a gold medal.

_What if I never win a gold medal?_ He thinks, and he feels worry snake its way into his stomach and around his throat. _I won’t get married. Will Viktor hate me then?_ He sighs and continues to pet Makkachin, feeling the weight of the ring heavy on his finger when it was always so light before. He never realized how troublesome such a promise might be.

_How embarrassing to love someone that doesn’t even come close to your greatness. He will go back to skating for another year, perhaps longer, and he’ll drink up the victories while I fall behind, never coming close to gold._ He sniffs, suddenly hearing the sound of the oven shut, and Viktor calls out that would be ready soon. Yuuri is silent. _He will see me as a burden, a negative weight, and he’ll leave me behind. What will I do if he leaves me?_

“Yuuri?”

He jumps in his seat, looking up suddenly to meet Viktor’s captivating blue eyes, startled, the ones he’s always loved. _Such a beautiful man._ He thinks, briefly.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and he kneels down to look at him properly. Yuuri isn’t looking at him anymore, eyes fixed firmly on his ring. Even Makkachin as looking at him with worry, and he almost laughed at how similar he was to his owner. _I’m being ridiculous_.

“I’m fine.” He replied, but he didn’t dare to look, because he knew that as soon as he did he would break down crying, and he was already doing a piss poor job of hiding what he was feeling. When had he grown so emotional? _And all I did was sit and think for more than two seconds._

“Look at me.” Viktor said, and he held Yuuri’s face gently, thumb brushing over his cheek in a rhythmic, calming pattern. _He is so warm. And kind, so kind_. His hand turned Yuuri’s head slightly, and finally, Yuuri’s eyes met Viktor’s. As soon as he did, his vision blurred over.

Viktor paused, shocked by the sudden steady stream of wetness coming from his fiancé, but _surely,_ Yuuri thought, _he should be used to this by now. It’s all he does, comfort a crying mess of a man because that’s all Yuuri Katsuki does, cry and cry and cry._ “I’m sorry.” Was all he could think to say, all he could manage to choke out.

Viktor pulled him close and sat down beside him on the couch, not caring about the awkward angle of their embrace or the growing wetness on his shoulder or Makkachin’s concerned whines at all; Yuuri was grateful, again, of the man he had been blessed with. He rubbed circles on his back while he sobbed, relieving some stress and worry, uncoiling from how tightly he had wound himself up.

It was as if he loved to give himself something to worry about, loved to torture himself with nightmares, scenarios that he so rightly knew were never going to happen. Those thoughts were always there, always ready to taunt him into curling into himself like he loved to do.

And Viktor understood. He always understood, so patient, so loving, never pushing if Yuuri did not want to move. He loved Yuuri, and Yuuri loved Viktor, and they both knew they loved each other. _Love can die_ , Yuuri remembers, and he somehow manages to cry even harder.

But Viktor is patient, and willing, and he holds him until his sobs dry out into sniffles. Viktor separates from him, for only a moment, and immediately Yuuri misses the warmth. His hand is back on his cheek and Yuuri leans into it, watery eyes closed as Viktor tries to wipe away the trails of tears on his pale skin. “It pains me to see you cry and not know what’s hurting you. Can you tell me?” he asks, gently.

Yuuri can only look down and shrug, not wanting to open his mouth in the fear that he would just start crying again. “Are you tired?” Viktor asks. “Stressed? Angry?”

Yuuri shakes his head.

“Is it about what Yurio said earlier today?”

Yuuri shook his head, but he let out a huff of a laugh. _You move like there’s a rat in your pants, except the rat is also a figure skater, and he’s dancing even better than you are_.

“What is it, my love? You can tell me, always.”

Yuuri is quiet, trying to gather all the courage he can. “I’m… afraid.”

They shift positions until Yuuri is sitting on Viktor’s lap and leaning his head on his shoulder, hands rubbing circles into the smaller man’s arms. “Of what, dearest?”

He forces himself to spit out his worries, afraid that Viktor will just roll his eyes and tell him he was being silly. It was the reasonable thing to do after all of the times Yuuri has expressed this worry, and yet— “What if I don’t win a gold medal?” he starts, fumbling with his ring again. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” He frowned; that wasn’t what he wanted to say. That did nothing to describe what he was feeling, it barely even scratched the surface.

Viktor brushed Yuuri’s bangs away from his face. His hair had gotten so much longer now. “You will never disappoint me,” Viktor began. “because you are so much more than any gold medal.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened at his fiancé, but the man continued on. “Win or lose, you will always make me proud. Even something as simple as cooking, or dressing yourself in the morning; driving, smiling, laughing, you will always make me proud. Everything you have done so far has made me happy, and I learned early on that it wasn’t about what you did, it was about who you were, who you are.”

Yuuri felt himself begin to cry again, but this time Viktor didn’t budge. “I will marry you because I love you, not because you won some competition. I love you because you never cease to amaze me, and you never will.”

They held each other again, Viktor helping to calm Yuuri down, and the smaller man whispering how grateful he was. Grateful for him, for his patience, for his love. Vows interchanged over and over without them knowing they were vows, promising to love each other until the ends of the earth and on, and on.

The snow outside kept falling, and when they separated, they stopped to stare out the window at the urban Russian scene. Makkachin wasn’t whining anymore, and instead had his head at Yuuri’s feet, placated by the change in atmosphere.

Yuuri sniffed again. “Is something burning?” he asked Viktor, and the man beneath him jumped, immediately frazzles.

“My lasagna!” he called, and he ran to the kitchen, Yuuri’s laughter echoing throughout their apartment.

_I’m lucky_. Yuuri thinks as he looks back at Viktor. _I really am._

 

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted something sweet okay


End file.
